First of all, allow me to apologize for the extended absence. Internships can be a great experience but also take a great deal of focus.
Recently, I was trolled on Facebook. But it caused me to do a great deal of thinking. The story is this:
I read a post by one of my favorite plus-sized icons, talking about how someone was referring to plus-sized models as not plus-sized etc. My icon, stated that she didn't mind being called plus-sized because she was and how was she was proud to be plus-sized and how else was she supposed to find the tiny section of clothing available in some stores without the labeling?
I commented and said that I had seen some stores labeling plus-sized as "goddess" size. I said that I like this. And, for the exact reason I never comment on posts that I most of the time would love to, someone started shaming my comment talking about how, because I liked this that I was essentially telling all other girls that were not plus-sized, that they were not goddesses and if the men's section wasn't labelled as "God" sizes that I was somehow offending them, also. (I went back to re-read these comments so that I could get exact quotes for this blog, but they have been deleted.)
My first thought, I am the LAST one to create body-shaming for anyone, because this has been an issue directed at me my whole life. I have struggled with my weight, literally my entire life. I have weighed almost 500 lbs on a 5'8" body. New clothes, for a long time, were almost impossible for me to find. When I did find them, they weren't (and still are not) inexpensive, and most of them were cheaply made. So in my early twenties, when "plus-sized" sections started appearing in stores and specialty stores carrying jeans that fit awkwardly but were still better than wearing stretch and sweat clothes all the time, I was beyond over-joyed.
I was doomed from the beginning carrying mostly robust Irish and German heritage. I'm tall-ish, pale, broad-shouldered and hipped, too many freckles, dark straight hair, and of course overweight and no thigh-gap to even think about. All through my schooling, kids ridiculed me mercilessly for all of these things. As I got older, since I was shunned from the "popular" group, I did what most outcasts do and joined up with other outcasts and became the "anti-popular kid". But even in my small little clique of "friends" (progressing towards high school years) I still was body-shamed. I always lost my crushes to my skinnier friends, dealing with lots of back-handed compliments like "You're so pretty in the face" and "Not bad, for a big/fat girl.", and remind me that there would eventually come along someone, who could in essence, tolerate me. As if being fat were some sort of freak-ish trait that it would take someone special to overlook that and love me. (It actually does take a special kind of person to love me, but it has nothing to do with my body. :-D)
Over the years I conditioned myself to not even try to seek approval through various groups and people, because no matter what I did, I would always lose out to the skinny girl. And eventually resentment formed. When you are constantly being brushed aside, no matter how hard you try, based on something as menial as clothing size, it's hard to not get angry. It's hard to love yourself. I would pray to whom ever would listen to just make my skinny. Make me skinny like everyone else, so that I could get the love and approval that I desperately craved. I hated being the "fat friend". The one that everyone looked over and didn't get a chance to be more than mediocre.
These feelings spilled into my early twenties. It caused many issues with depression and anxiety. (Many of which I still struggle with.) Society and media told me I should look a certain way: Tan, flat stomach, thigh gap. Again, european genetics don't lend themselves kindly to tanning and we've already talked about my thighs. So insecure I stayed.
It wasn't until within the last 4-ish years that I've even learned to like myself and not let the numbers on the scale or my pants size determine whether or not I am worthy of love and approval. And it started with being "plus-sized" being referred to as "goddess-sized". It was the first time I had ever seen something refer to my size with reverance and not as something extra. As for the other sizes and gender related options these companies offer, I'm not educated enough to speak on them. Why would I look through clothing that I know wouldn't fit me and be reminded that some designer deemed me unworthy of their clothing because of my size? That's body-shaming myself and I refuse to do it.
And by the trollers logic, if being called plus-sized is ok, couldn't that be misconstrued to say that not plus-sized is minus-sized? A minus is a negative, and could be misconstrued as something demeaning. But isn't that the nature of trolls?
My bottom line is this: You are beautiful. What ever size, shape, color, creed or otherwise. You are beautiful. We spend too much time defining and tearing each other down. We spend too much time trying to make other people feel bad in order to lift ourselves up. We cry too much about each other and not enough with each other. And just because you find something that makes you feel good about yourself and love yourself a little bit more, it doesn't have to mean (or should mean) you are using that to shame someone else.
All women are goddesses, and all men are gods. All are worthy of love and approval. And incase no one else tells you today, remember, "You're ok by me, kid."
Tastefully Yours,
A.
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